Haven’t had a long break like this since my student days. Had Christmas and New Year week off, and now I am just lounging around waiting for the Lunar New Year, which will be another 2 weeks off. And truly lounging around at that, not like the horrible long slumps I had during my breakups. Good rest.
The new year is coming and looks like not much chance for anything to change. Probably except my financials, which is positive again for the first time in 2 years lol. I missed my saving plan by a year, oh well. Not like I can afford my own place anytime soon anyway. 5 or 6 years sounds the same to me.
Relationship stuff is steadily going down. The person I like is so hopelessly out of my league that sometimes I feel stupid for even trying. Yet I find it impossible to “give up” because even if I pretend to do that, the faintest possibility of success is enough for me to abandon any alternative. Honestly, I don’t know if it’s just some sort of glorified obsession instead of genuine attraction at this point. But I know there is something. I remember exactly the point in time that something happen. It’s agonizingly insignificant yet it stays lodge in my mind for almost a year now. Imagine getting a tiny bit of wood splinter stuck in your finger: it’s so damn small and harmless but press your finger on the right spot and it hurts like hell1. It is not even enough to be an annoyance, it’s just there.
Career stuff has been going well. I’ve been giving out lots of advices recently. Giving out so much that I realise I have changed so much in the last 2 years. Just 2 years ago I would do some of the stupid things I am now advising people to steer clear of lol. And the way I see things is different too. Leaving the old workplace probably was a good thing. Here is a question though: would it be still be so good if I left earlier? Leaving when I did seems to be the perfect timing. I got a good job right away, the transition happened in a blink like it was meant to be. Would it be that way if I leave, say before Covid? I have no idea, except that I would not be meeting her if I did – so I guess it really is perfect timing.
I guess the theme for next year is “stay down”. Keep my head low, don’t bother her any more. Who knows, maybe if I hide enough I’d be able to move on. And just keep on doing my job as a normal person. Next year could be the foundation I need to get my saving on track. And that thing hopefully can start to resolve itself. I will be 33 next year, damn.
All my posts is starting to sound the same lol. Maybe this cafe has outlived its usefulness.
Little Moon Cafe 