What is love?

Baby don’t hurt me
Don’t hurt me
No more.

Ok, got it out of the system.

Been mulling over this one lately. Well sure, there is no right or wrong answer. Everyone knows a different kind of love, so they will each describe it differently.

Some will talk about the fun they have together. Some about how they’ve known each other their entire lives. Or those who claim ‘love at first sight’ is a real thing.

I think love is about understanding. You may not even need to talk, you just know how the other feel. You connect to each other in an almost magical way. How nice.

Here’s a silly thought. I think understanding is again just a sign of love. After you meet someone and before you understand them, there is something that is simply kicking you forward, urging you to get close to the other person, encouraging you to understand. It starts out small, just a spark here and there, then keep growing and growing. Then finally it takes the form of a flame, and from that flame comes everything that people associate with love. Sounds stupid, right?

Truth is, I don’t know. Never had any personal experience. Which is rather odd whenever I think about it. My ‘encounter rate’ with girls are by no means prohibitive. And it’s not like I’m dead inside or anything, as I do have feelings for many whom I have met.

I can easily fall for girls. Just one conversation, one exchange of greetings or even just one look and I can feel flutters in my chest. But somehow, for some reason, I never follow up on any of them.

I just don’t feel the urge to do it. I may feel great to visualise them being my girlfriend for about a week or so. Then… I just lost interest. So, I guess you could call those crushes – far from love – but still too many anyway you see it.

I’m thinking the reason was when I was in middle school. That would be the first time I consciously aware of my feelings towards my first crush. I even felt compelled to do a confession – a silly one, but still. I never got a chance, as I found out who she liked at that time, so I gave up. First one: failed.

Since I have always been timid and shy, I guess that incident molded me into one scared of failure and self-humiliation. That’s why I always need to test the water before jumping in. And if my feet don’t touch anything, I will just stay clear of it.

A few days ago I was asked if I believe in true love. I answered that I do, and that one day my ‘true love’ will appear, who can make me want to do everything for her, to care for her, to protect her, and to make her happy. That was not a lie, but coming from someone who only knows love from movies and novels, would you believe it?

I have been feeling weird these days. The same sort of fluttering similar to those I felt before, but not quite the same. A similar amount of daydreaming and obsessing, but not quite in the same way either. Which scared me.

I’m giving my mind some times to – maybe, just maybe – get over it. Sheesh, I seriously do not know what to do if these thoughts do not go away.

I picked this up from the Internet:
” -What is the worst response to “I love you”?
-No you don’t. You love the idea of it. You love the idea of being in love, but you’re not. You’re too self centered and dumb to love anyone. You think infatuation is love, but it’s not. You’re just too stupid to know any better.”


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